When I lay awake in bed at night, I always talk to myself. I practise how I'm going to say things to certain people, whether its' online or face to face, almost like they're there. I cry and almost 'act'...feeling like if someone could only see me, they'd understand everything. I sometimes wish people were watching me, I wish people would follow me when I tell them to go away so I could collapse to them and tell them everything. They would understand. Bed is the worst time for me. I look to the pillow beside me and wish anyone was there - anyone. I wish I wasn't alone.